A Presidential Scrapbook
Notes from the race for 2000
By - Dave "Fargo" Kosak
BUSH ANNOUNCES NEW RUNNINGMATE
Surprises All With Selection of "The VIP" from Counter-Strike/TeamFortress Classic
The startling announcement drew cheers, gunfire from the assembled crowd |
Dallas, TX -- The political world is still reeling from yesterday's surprise announcement that Governor George W. Bush was suddenly abandoning the candidacy of Dick Cheney. His new choice? "The V.I.P," a famous yet controversial political figure known primarily for his uncanny ability to survive hundreds of assassination attempts on a weekly basis. If elected Vice President of the United States, the V.I.P. would be the proverbial "heartbeat away from the presidency" as well as several hundred yards from the nearest bulletproof escape vehicle.
"It's pretty clear the angle he's going for," claims Stanford political analyst Herbert G. White. "With Senator Lieberman on his platform, Al Gore is definitely trying to ride into power on an anti-videogame ticket. Bush is pulling no punches and his latest move, using a central figure from the most popular online action game of the last two years, clearly puts his candidacy in the pro-videogame court. This is the most excitement we've seen since Pac Man bit Dukakis during the debates."
Gore officially responded late yesterday afternoon. "He'll never make it past the steps," the Democratic candidate declared. |
The candidates shook hands with one another and a hush fell on the crowd as the controversial new choice for Vice-President stepped up to the podium and prepared to deliver a speech that would define the tone of his campaign and possibly the future government of the nation. All was silent but for the clatter of flashbulbs and the click of rifle bolts sliding into place. "Fellow Americans," the V.I.P. declared, adjusting his glasses and looking down at his notes. "Violence! Violence! Violence! Violence! Violence! Violence! VIOLENCE! Violence!" he suddenly screamed, banging his umbrella on the podium. Quietly he turned the page. "...and sex," he added, to thunderous applause.
Several men in red uniforms carrying rocket launchers then escorted the new Vice-Presidential candidate out of the building amidst a hail of armor-piercing gunfire.
Next: On the campaign trail...
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